I Really Piss A Man Off
I couldn’t wait for Friday so I went out on the piss last night. It was a fairly uneventful evening until around 10.30.
Several pints to the bladder & I was in need of more room to store beer - so off to the Gents I went. I stood at the urinal, decided to focus on my aim due to my slight swaying on account of my inebriation, and started to enjoy the relief that only a man can feel after ingesting almost an entire milk tanker of beer.
I should have spotted the lack of toilet etiquette the moment he stood next to me at the trough, instead of taking his rightful spot at the end - as designated by generations of men since time immortal. Even cavement knew that they would let flow at the opposite end of the cave to the other neanderthal letting rip with his fire-putter-outer stroke woman-subduer.
However, being entirely focussed on my aim as I was, the first I became aware of this transgression was when he spoke:
“Hurr! Your piss is clear and mines yellow - must be my cider! Hurr!”
I turned to look at him. He looked at me. He looked down.
Yep, in my drunken state, I forgot to stop peeing. Serves the fucker right.
Moral of the story: The only acceptable conversation allowed at the urinal is a gruff “Alright?” which may only be replied to with an equally gruff “Yuh”. This is solely to reassure the other men that you are not willy-watching. Remember people, when using a public toilet, toilet etiquette is paramount*.
* Unless your name is George Michael.
