Road rage to shitting pants in one easy step.
I’ve just been the victim of a kind of road rage incident.
Spotty little fucker in a fiesta comes tearing up behind me in a 30 zone - residential area, kids and cats all over the place, So I continue to the bank with this scrote and his mate flashing their lights, using the universal sign for wanker and mouthing off followed by accelerating towards me and slowing down ensues, so I pick my moment and as he accelerates again I slow down rather suddenly, a squeel of tyres and blue smoke appears from the fiestas tyres, I chuckle to myself thinking, maybe he’ll back off now. Er No……
This only seems to enliven the spod behind who goes so red I can see it in my rear view mirror! He then decides to follow me to the bank where I get out of the car, he gets out behind me, stomps over fists clenched and screaming “Come on then you cunt, you fuckin want some”
I let him approach me and as he comes in range I step forward putting my entire bodyweight behind a right hook, rather fantastically it connects with his nose and speads it nicely across his face, as he falls backwards bleeding, his mate jumps out of the car and runs around the car towards me.
I square up to him and he thinks better of it.
This is the kicker, spod number one is sat on the floor with claret all down his crappy designer shirt, he looks up at me with tears in his eyes and calls me,
“Fucking mental!”
I turn my back to get some cash out of the machine and he starts screaming like girl, “You’re fuckin mental” over and over, so I turn to face him, he shuts up, like an on / off switch, I experiment with this a little, by turning agian - sure enough, still on his arse he’s screaming.
At this point his lover/twat / friend joins in,
“Yeah, you’re fuckin mental, I’m callin the police”
This perturbed me somewhat, I didn’t instigate this, I didn’t even want a fight, frankly I’m not usually very good at it, so triple score for me so far.
So I decide if they think I’m mental I’ll act mental and see what happens, I’m well pissed at this point, wasting my time gobby little fuckers get me like that, they’ve never had a kicking - I have, it hurts and it makes you think about gobbing off before you do.
So I growl at them, while developing and eye twitch, and say
“Yeah, I’m fucking metal, you fucking wanna find out how fucking mental I am, come on then you gutless piece a shit, Tell you fucking what, I’ll call the police, you call the fucking ambulance, cause there’s about to be a fuckin murder”
Stomping back towards them fists clenched, teeth clenched, wide eyed and fucking fuming with anger.
They couldn’t get back in the fiesta quick enough , it was hysterical.
As they sped off, I turned back to the cash machine and started laughing, the shop keeper of the shop next to the cash machine came out and said,
“Good on you, these little sods these days have no discipline because the parent are idiots and take the side of the kid everytime, they don’t stop to think that their little angel could be a little cunt once out the door.”
I agreed and we discussed the downfall of parenting and lack of responsibility in general these days for 10 minutes or so, a very enjoyable chat it was too.
So a warning to all those little fuckers out there who’ve seen too many films, when people get hit, it hurts, you don’t fly through the air and get up like in the A team, If I break your nose it will bleed a lot, if you are going to pick fights don’t go crying when you get your ass handed to you.
As my old man used to say, there is always someone out there tougher than you -Always.
Most of us in our mid late 30’s grew up having fights, proper fights, one on one, some of us trained in different unarmed combat models, you can’t tell by looking who can fight and who can’t - size is not an indicator of ability. So be warned fuckers, you will be hit and it will hurt.
Think about what you’re doing before it hurts you, cause we aint takin’ it no more shit heads.
Tags: bad parenting, defend yourself, road rage