I pay for my phone.
I pay for my line rental.
I don’t pay for some ignorant cunt to ring me in the middle of dinner, shagging or The Simpsons.
But they call anyway, so I have declared them fair game – anything goes in my quest to piss them off as much as they piss me off or just for kicks & chuckles, shits & giggles.
I’ll post transcripts of some of my more memorable calls under the “Cold Callers” category.
By the way, are you one of those people that says “I’m sorry but I’m not interested”?
Well if you are: STOP FUCKING APOLOGISING TO THEM.
Instead say something like “If I wanted double-glazing, don’t you think I’d wait until AFTER my dinner before looking into it?” or “If I wanted your fucking double-glazing I’d have called YOU wouldn’t I!”
I don’t get why companies use cold calling as a marketing tool nowadays.
Here are a few reasons why:
- The majority of people that aren’t on the Telephone Preference Service just aren’t aware of it – very few people want to receive cold calls.
- Although at most only around 0.2% of cold calls result in a sale, a much higher percentage of people are angered. I.e. a cold calling campaign will get some sales but at the cost of damaging your brand by causing many people to associate it with inconsiderate tossers (or dumb cunts as I like to think of them).
- Too many cold calls are made without any consideration for the potential customer such as:
- Phone calls that result in recorded messages.
- Call hang-up when no operator is available to pass the call to.
(Have you seen how much this freaks out the older generation?)
- Call delay while a call is connected to an available operator.
Do you know why they still do this?
Update: This man “deKay” made me laugh: