Category Archives: Cold Callers

I pay for my phone.

I pay for my line rental.

I don’t pay for some ignorant cunt to ring me in the middle of dinner, shagging or the Simpsons.

But they do & as such I have declared them fair game – anything goes.
I’ll post transcripts of some of my more memorable calls.

Tuchuk Is A Time Waster

[Note: See the Cold Callers page for an explanation of what these posts are all about.] WT: Wolf Tuchuk CC: Cold Caller I just got off the ‘phone and I have a big grin on my face. Why? I shall tell you: 10 minutes ago, the ‘phone rang with yet another cheery call from a… Read More »

Tied Up?

[Note: See the Cold Callers page for an explanation of what these posts are all about.] WT: Wolf Tuchuk CC: Cold Caller Obligatory pause while computer connects me to a salesman which, conveniently, gives me due warning to have some fun. WT: “Hello” CC: “Hello, Is Mrs Tuchuk in?” WT: “She’s tied up at the… Read More »

Nice Try Retard

[Note: See the Cold Callers page for an explanation of what these posts are all about.] WT: Wolf Tuchuk CC: Cold Caller This girl has been hammering the phones for so long I think she must have switched off: WT: “Hello?” CC: “And so what do you think Mr Tuchuk?” WT: “Well it all sounds… Read More »

Some Salesmen Just Can’t Be Bothered!

[Note: See the Cold Callers page for an explanation of what these posts are all about.] Wolf Tuchuk (WT) Cold Caller (CC) CC: “Hello, I am assuring you I am not selling anything…” WT: [butts in with extreme sarcasm] “Oh. That is a pity. I have just inherited….” He hung up! He didn’t even try… Read More »

Tuchuk Teaches English

[Note: See the Cold Callers page for an explanation of what these posts are all about.] CC: Cold Caller WT: Wolf Tuchuk CC: “Can I speak to Mrs Tuchuk?” WT: “Yes.” [Hangs up.] [Telephone rings again and is the same person] CC: “We got cut off. Can I speak to Mrs Tuchuk?” WT: “Yes.” CC:… Read More »

I Find A New Friend!

[Note: See the Cold Callers page for an explanation of what these posts are all about.] WT: Wolf Tuchuk CC: Cold Caller WT: “This is just a courtesy call from MG…” CC: “Oh how kind. I am an old and lonely man and don’t get out much. How wonderful that there is an organization that… Read More »

Think I’ll Buy Me A Conservatory – If it will fit!

[Note: See the Cold Callers page for an explanation of what these posts are all about.] CC: Cold Caller WT: Wolf Tuchuk CC: “…and we can offer special deals on conservatories!” WT: “I don’t think you could fit one here.” CC: “We can fit them anywhere!” WT: “The thing is, we are in a conservation… Read More »

Communications Between England & India Are Attempted But Fail

[Note: See the Cold Callers page for an explanation of what these posts are all about.] WT: Wolf Tuchuk CC: Cold Caller I really don’t mind Indian call centres. What I mind is speaking to people that can’t understand my point or can’t explain themselves properly. If you don’t want something straightforward then you’re screwed.… Read More »

I Receive A Call From My Friends Of The Cloth

[Note: See the Cold Callers page for an explanation of what these posts are all about.] WT: Wolf Tuchuk CC: Cold Caller WT: “Hello” CC: “Hullo. This is John from the Abbey.” WT: “Hello there! Are you Brother John or are you a lay member of the abbey?” CC: “Pardon?” WT: “And to which abbey… Read More »